guide to being a successful female gamer

just a disclaimer, i play WoW.  almost every gaming reference i make will refer back to this.

female gamers really do exist.  we are a somewhat elusive breed.  i would say a good portion of the girls who play started so they could actually spend some time with their gaming husbands or boyfriends (or girlfriends, i don't judge).  so finding a female gamer who is single is even harder.  finding a female gamer who is single and not bat shit crazy, well that's almost impossible.  my suggestion to the ladies is to use this to your advantage.  you have no idea how much shit random anonymous gamer guys are willing do for a single, sane female.  if you're not single, just be elusive about your relationship status.  if you're not sane, just learn to hide the crazy.

so the key to being successful in game does not mean that you actually have to play well if you're a girl.  guys are willing to forgive a lot of n00b mistakes, but only for girls.  try this one time.  make the exact same mistake that you have seen male gamers get reamed for, and see how nice they will be to you about it.  just make sure to use that feminine charm to act upset.  it's the weakness of the male gamer.  they don't know how to comfort upset females and will try to avoid getting to that point.  use this to your advantage.  set you're character on follow, then alt tab out and do something else.  switch back over in a few minutes.  if you're entire party is now dead because you were the healer, it's ok.  just start crying over vent and say something about how you lagged out.  then every thing is ok again.  just make sure that if you use the lag excuse, you never tell anyone about your custom built gaming computer with the world's fastest processor. you can also apply the "damsel in distress" theory here.  guys love to be the hero.  just act all sweet and lost, and you can pretty much get them to help with any quest you're on.

the other side of the coin is to play extremely well.  totally dominate at everything you do.  solo win a pvp battle, have twice as much dsp than any one else in your raid, be the whole reason why the lych king is now dead.  if you can play well, your appeal to the guys in game increases ten fold.  use this to your advantage.  there is a good chance that you will be able to bump equally good players out of raid spots, get invited back to do more raids, get into good pvp or instance groups, etc.  if you actually want to gear up, this is the way to go.

the other way to be successful is the "loot without raiding" method.  i am actually really good at this one.  as long as you know how to mildly flirt, you're golden.  find some lonely gamer guy, and start chatting him up.  a lot of gamer guys are desperate for female attention and are way too introverted to actually go out and find some.  use this to your advantage.  once you get him interested in talking with you, get him thinking with the little head, and not the big one.  the big head will tell him "don't listen to the skank, she's out to take you for all you have."  the little head on the other hand will be screaming "OMG!  GIVE HER WHATEVER SHE WANTS SO SHE KEEPS TALKING TO ME!"  luckily, most of these guys haven't been with a girl in years so it does not take much to get the attention of the little head.  in most cases a "hi ;)" will suffice.  if you want, start talking about how awesome his game stats are.  stroke the ego a little.  then go in for the kill.  mention how you really, really want to get the little bambi deer reward after getting 75 companion pets, and pout about how you still need 30 more.  next thing you know, that little vampire bat from the argent tournament turns up in your mail box*.  keep in mind that he had to put in a minimum of 10 days of playing to get this pet.  this also works well for getting gold, herbs, gems, ore, crafted items, and pretty much anything else you will ever need.  if you're really bold (or really desperate for in game items), send him a pic of "you." doesn't have to really be you, just some hot girl that could be you.  just make sure if you aren't using real pics, that it's believable.  no victoria's secret models.  chance are, the little head already knows those women and won't fall for it.

my final advice?  roll horde.  way more guys play horde.

*this is a real life experience. i had a boyfriend at this time, and the in game guy knew it.  this just shows you how pro i am.  and i really did get the bat pet.  the situation on my side of the computer kinda went down like this:

bf: who's that guy following you?

me: oh, just some guy in my guild

bf: why does he keep talking to you?

me: i don't know,probably because i'm awesome

bf: why is he giving you pets?

me: *crickets*

bf: are you whoring yourself in game?

me: (silence) (thinks over answer) ......... no?

bf: whatever.  you better be getting epics out of it