treasure chest

so that's my new stage name.  yep, a stage name.  i joined a burlesque troupe, and well the name kinda picked me.  partly due to me being half pirate* and well, other aspects.  other DDD aspects.  but i'm crazy excited about this.  if you couldn't figure it out, my character is mostly based on a pirate.  and since they make pasties in the shape of skulls and cross bones that have glitter on them, i couldn't be happier.  i'm currently working out my routine, one of which involves rum and throwing knives along with a brave audience member, set (hopefully) to the theme song from pirates of the caribbean.  the other depends on if i win these amazing feather fans on ebay.  if i do, i get to fan dance.  if i don't, i need a new idea.  but i have a new excuse to buy shoes and make costumes.  and i get to live out my alter ego as a pirate pin up.  we already have people interested in seeing us preform.  if things go well, we may be doing a show as soon as next month.  the thing that drew me to burlesque is that you don't have to be classically pretty to do well in it.  it's way more open to quirks and alternative appearance.  and it's also way more entertaining than being just a stripper.  and the boy is even ok with me doing it, which makes it all that much better.  just no one tell my mom!  now if you'll excuse me, i have some corset shopping to do.

*according to shannon, i'm half pirate.  and since she is irish, she has determined that if we are ever alone on a deserted island, we will find a way to make rum

plan two

so plan one for taking over the world involved slowly and methodically infecting everyone with my cooties and then finding a way to make said cooties turn on everyone and force them to do pretty much anything i said.  so far, that's not working out so great.  so i came up with plan two.  which, very simply put, is boobs.  more specifically, my boobs.  because lately, they've been looking pretty damn awesome.  and so far they have got me way more things than cooties ever did.  like cheap and/or free drinks, faster service from bartenders, free things in WoW, the interest of guys i want to take home with me, the interest of girls who i might take home with me if i have about three more drinks, and so on and so fourth. over all, i think boobs will be a much more effect way of becoming supreme world leader.  and it allows me the opportunity to have accomplices.  i may be the only one who has my cooties, but way more people out there have boobs.  this is turning out to be a way better plan than the cooties one.  now if only i can find a way to make this work on gay guys. 

 

oh and i call that my "free drink shirt."  think you can figure out why?

boobs

so the guys in my guild are pretty fascinated with my boobs right about now.  so this is for them.  sorta.  it's kind of a compromise.  they wanted my actual boobs, i'm writing about bras.  deal with it boys, it's my blog. 

thank you torrid for cute bras in my size

so the main topic of this post is pretty much why i hate shopping for bras.  see i love my boobs.  my boyfriend loves my boobs.  apparently the guys in my guild love my boobs.  drunk lesbians love my boobs.  but the people who make bras, they do not love my boobs.  and it makes me very sad.  they think that just because i'm a DDD, i have to wear old lady bras.  and i refuse to do that.  hell i don't even want to wear an old lady bra when i am an old lady.  i want cute bras forever!  viva los sujetadores lindo!*  

anyway, this leves me with very few options since i can't buy bras in the stores.  either they look like the aforementioned old lady bras, or the stores are stupid like victoria's secret and don't carry my size.  want to know what that bitch's secret is?  she hates big boobs!  at least torrid loves big boobs.  but the nearest torrid is a two and a half hour drive.  and that is why i have to buy all of my bras on line.  which is a pain in the ass. if you can't try it on and make sure it's comfortable and cute, you're taking a huge gamble.  because if you don't realize that you've gone from a DD to a DDD, you have to pay an extra $8.00 to have a new size reshipped to you.  le sigh.  when will the stores start showing love to the big boobs?  when!?!?!?!?

*babel fish better not have failed me on that one