why i need to just stay quiet

so my mom is coming down for the weekend tomorrow.  and she's bringing me a new bike.  and we're getting drunk off whipped cream vodka on friday night and going to dinner at tahoe joe's saturday night.  and she's buying me food and stuff.  but anyway, my mom has a tendency to set me up to mess with her head a lot.  and i know i shouldn't, but it's really fun to do.  so we're talking today about the oh so exciting topic of when i last had a pelvic exam done, and i tell her it's been a while but i wasn't too worried since all my other ones were normal and i know the number of people i've slept with and it's not a huge number.  she replies that's a good thing because sleeping around is bad.  so just because i thought it was funny, i told her that i usually mostly try to not do that too often.  and because she's a mom, she has now determined that we need to have "a talk" when she gets here tomorrow.  fml

ps  not super happy with how blogger changed it's layout.  it took me like three days to figure out how to add a new post and how to check my stats.  fuck you change!

why parents shouldn't text message

wow so my dad really needs to learn how to read his texts before sending them.  really wish i had a smart phone right now just so i could screen cap this and post the pic, but since i don't, here it goes.  bold is him, italicized is me. 

what up homo?

dad! reread what you just sent me!

what it b

can't you take a joke?

you need to turn off your auto correct so it doesn't call people bad names

what's a bad name, homey

reread what you sent.  your phone changed it to homo

but your not, you're my daughter

yeah i know.  turn off auto correct.  why does your phone know that word anyway?

not that there is anything wrong with it

that's still not a nice way to put it

ok i will look into it

how many people are you calling that name that your phone uses it for auto correct?

my bad

fail dad.  just fail

what's fail mean?

it means you failed at texting

maybe you failed at a joke?

just go fix your phone and try again when it will use nice words

yes dear :-) you are your monthers daughter

at least mom's phone doesn't call me bad names 

good night gracie*

you're a dork

*gracie is my mom's dog.  my dad says he uses that because it's from some show with george burns and gracie allen, but i have my doubts.**
** not doubting that it was on the show, the interwebs proved that was true,  but because that's why he says it

why the boys love me

so i was on WoW just a few minuets ago.   one of my friends came on, who happens to be a guy, and the following ensued:

me: poke

him: bg?

me: i'm sucking like hard core at pvp right now lol

me: i'm having problems focusing today

him: lol all good

him: we've all been there

me: i tried to take a shower to wake me up, but my shower failed me and ran out of hot water when i was only halfway done shaving my legs

him: O.O

him: omfg that would suck

me: yeah and i had shampoo in my hair

him: bet your nipples could cut glass

me: they can do that anyway if i have the right jewelry in

him: lmao!  true

me: i feel like this convo should be posted somewhere

him: XD

him: same

me: that's it, it's going on my blog

pretty sure this is why all the boys love me.  rather than get offended by shit that's not worth getting offended over in my opinion, i just go with it and make it funny.  oh and also because the jewelry line is a totally true statement.  just put some diamond cutting tips on my spikes and i'll be good to go. 

for the non-WoW readers, bg= battle ground and pvp=player vs player

unlocked: bitch mode

so i'm in total bitch mode right now.  and i don't mean my normal bitch mode, i mean the holly-hell-run-for-the-hills-she-could-kill-us-with-her-eyes bitch mode.  because someone hurt my baby brother.  and by baby brother i mean a six foot tall, twenty four year old man.  and by hurt i mean five or six punk ass little pussies thought it would be cool to just randomly kick the living shit out of him for no reason.  so from what i know happened, my brother was on his lunch break and was walking to the subway on the other side of the shopping center to get a sandwich.  there was a group of five or six guys just standing around, he doesn't know any of them, he didn't say anything to them, none of them said anything to him.  then they all just decided to jump him and just start pounding on him.  and no one has any idea why, especially since they made no attempt what so ever to try and take either his wallet or his phone.  the only reason they stopped is because an employee from another store ran outside and called the police.  i have pictures of what his face looked like right after it happened, but i'm not posting those here because it's a little too bloody.  those ass holes are just lucky that i don't have enough gas to make it up there right now.  they would never know what hit them.  they would not win against me and my protective older sister rage that i'm feeling right now.  they have a ten day head start on me until my next paycheck.  all i can say is, they better use it.

why i less-than-three my mom

so a week or two ago i was feeling pretty depressed.  i called my mom and was talking to her about that, and all the things that were stressing me out.  today i get a package in the mail from my mom with a little note.  the note said "hope these help you feel better."  below is what was in the package itself:

it's ok to be jealous of the awesomeness that is those flip flops

this is why i love my mom.  she's a huge dork (in a good way) and always does silly little things like this.  and yes, it totally made me feel better.  and these are now by far the most awesome flip flops i have.  and considering i have about twenty pairs (and that my be under guessing), that really is saying something.

for you less than geeky readers, less-than-three = <3 = heart = love.  hope that clears it up some