why the boys love me

so i was on WoW just a few minuets ago.   one of my friends came on, who happens to be a guy, and the following ensued:

me: poke

him: bg?

me: i'm sucking like hard core at pvp right now lol

me: i'm having problems focusing today

him: lol all good

him: we've all been there

me: i tried to take a shower to wake me up, but my shower failed me and ran out of hot water when i was only halfway done shaving my legs

him: O.O

him: omfg that would suck

me: yeah and i had shampoo in my hair

him: bet your nipples could cut glass

me: they can do that anyway if i have the right jewelry in

him: lmao!  true

me: i feel like this convo should be posted somewhere

him: XD

him: same

me: that's it, it's going on my blog

pretty sure this is why all the boys love me.  rather than get offended by shit that's not worth getting offended over in my opinion, i just go with it and make it funny.  oh and also because the jewelry line is a totally true statement.  just put some diamond cutting tips on my spikes and i'll be good to go. 

for the non-WoW readers, bg= battle ground and pvp=player vs player

just an fyi

a few random thoughts that more or less sum up my saturday night and provide good advice at the same time.  here we go now:

apparently, after i warm up a bit, i am pretty pro at beer pong.  i am a good person to have on your team in the long run.

the above statement also lead to a comparison between me, Jesus Christ, and the footprints saying because i was carrying my partner through the game.  while comparing your beer pong partner to the son of God might make them feel good, i'm pretty sure it might land you in hell also.  weigh your options carefully.

having beer, champagne, and vodka all in one night may seem like a good idea at the time, but you will feel very differently about it in the morning.  

it was decided that being called "a pile of ass matter" is one of the most disgusting insults ever.

friends who pay for your drinks because you're broke until your next paycheck are the best kinds of friends.  be nice to them and keep them around.

you know it was a great night when your hangover lasts until after 1:00 pm the following day.

in a related thought, ibuprofen, mac 'n' cheese, and water are great ways to cure hangover headaches.  sandwiches are an acceptable substitute.

according to my boyfriend, a better way to cure a hangover is a shot of whiskey.  i think i'll pass on that one.

designated drivers are a wonderful thing to have so your drunk ass doesn't have to walk home.  be nice to them also.

behold! the awesomeness that is nikki's artwork

so a while back one of my friends was bored and looking for some ideas for things to draw.  i put in a request for a portrait of the fail ninja.  what i got was this:

most. awesome. pic. EVER!

this is also the friend who wrote me the choose your own adventure story a while back.  and this is why i less than three her.

behold! the awesomeness that is my artwork

so way back when in college, melanie and i took freshman math together.  melanie recently unearthed a rare and precious artifact from that time.  basically, the teacher bored us to tears.  in order to stay awake we decided to do it up high school style and play a MASH game.  i honestly only remember who one of the guys was on it, and most of the other stuff is just totally random.   like she was a vet and he was a lawyer and the lived in a shack with twenty two kids.  this was the end result of the that game:

i decided that there was way too much randomness going on there and things needed to be taken one step further.  i also may have just been ridiculously bored.  either way, i determined that it needed to be illustrated.

  

i also figured that parts of it needed explaining.  like they live in a shack and have their truck on blocks even though they make good money because they need to feed twenty two children.  their last name is hyphenated three times just because (but i blacked it our here for privacy).  melanie had a shoulder problem at the time, so her stick figure likeness has a sling as well.  so does her only daughter because she takes after her mom.  the guy has little questions marks above his head because he was kinda clueless, and the one son matches him.  the rest of the sons are named billy something.  one is also part goat just because.  he eats paper and grass so they don't need to feed him.  and the horse is named bo diddly because it's awesome.  and because bo diddly is awesome, i later decided an english class that he needed to go to a horse show.  this was a lot harder to pull off than the first one, mostly because of class size.  there were about four hundred in our math class, so it wasn't like the professor would notice.  there were about twenty in english class, and we had to both keep stifling giggles.  at one point the teacher asked us what was so funny.  this is why we were laughing:

 

melanie is riding her horse with her sling.  i'm on my horse who likes to pretend he is still a race horse.  you can tell this from the "action lines."  some stupid little kid on a pony wins the class because that seriously always happens in real life.  the jumps are the most random sizes i could think of.  the confused kid who takes after the dad is actually being used as part of a jump because he wandered onto the course.  half of the rest of the kids are melanie's cheering section.  the other half (plus two neighbor kids that they hired to help*) are pulling the horse trailer because the truck is on blocks. 

so yeah, this is the kind of stuff i do when i get bored.  kind of a little insight into how my mind works here.  oh and i do take requests.  i will illustrate al la stick figures almost anything.  so if something would just tickle your fancy to see it in stick figure form, let me know in the comments below and i'll see if i can't make your stick figure dreams come true.

* or that i accidentally draw two extra kids and needed an excuse to cover up that fact

eleven hours

so.....some one decided to get in their car and take out a power pole right before my lunch break yesterday.  on the complete opposite side of town from my apartment.  for whatever reason, this meant that i would not get any power for the following eleven hours.  never mind that the light in the stupid parking lot right next to my complex were working just fine, my apartment complex was just fucked.  so luckily i was at work for a few hours, and then a work dinner for a few more hours.  when i got back from that i still didn't have power, so alex said i could come hang out with him at his work since he was the only one there.  got to see some pretty interesting people there (he works at a hotel).  one lady kept complaining about how the only restaurants near the hotel were not very vegetarian friendly,  because you know, apparently that was his fault.  she was also all upset that apparently nothing was close enough for her to walk to.  because you know, that was totally his fault also.  she also came back about ten minutes later because she wanted to change rooms because her's was too close to the stairs, but she didn't want to be moved to a room that had a view of the street.  the next crazy lady was some woman who came in and asked to be upgraded to a suit.  alex started to tell her the cost for that, but she cut him off and said she wanted to be upgraded for free.  when he told her that he couldn't do it for free, she got all pissy, and kept repeating that she had got that done here before, and wanted to know why he wouldn't do that for her now.  when he explained that it has never been a policy of the hotel to upgrade for free, she started going on about how it says they can do that on the website.  which it doesn't.  i check when i got home.  the only things that are free are breakfast, dvd rentals and wifi.  the third group was three overly bleached, overly tanned girls who rented harry potter and then couldn't figure out how to use the dvd player.  after a night of watching all this, it just makes me glad that i no longer work at a returns desk.

ewwwwwww! man thong!

ok so a totally unrelated conversation today sparked this wonderful/awful memory from my college years.  melanie should appreciate this since she was right there next to me to see it in all it's disturbing glory.  i'm talking about the man thong incident. 

way back when we lived in the dorms together.  and for some reason, the first floor was set up with the guys on the left and the girls on the right, but every other floor had guys on the right and girls on the left.  this meant that those closest laundry room to us was the one on the guy's side.  and since a lot of these guys apparently never did laundry, they had a tendency to forget they had started in and leave their clothes in the washer and/or dryer for hours after the cycle was done.  this led to a lot of taking out guy clothes and putting them on top of the machine so you could wash your own clothes.  wasn't really a big deal.  no one seemed to ever care, and if they walked in on you doing it they usually just felt bad forgetting to come move their clothes and causing you an inconvenience.  i never really had a problem with doing it either since it was just usually jeans, t-shirts and the occasional boxer or bath towel.  no big deal.  that was, until the incident.

it started off as any other laundry day.  as usual, the machines were all done running but still full of clothes.  so i picked the machine on the end and started to pile the wet clothes on top of it.  all was going swimmingly until one little piece of clothing decided to break free from the pack and try to make a leap of freedom toward the door.  i had all the other clothes piled on top of the washer by now, so i turned around to pick up what had fallen.  i was expecting a sock or something based on the size of it.  but then i looked down and shrieked.  i don't remember exactly where melanie had been standing, but i do remember us both squealing out "ewwwwwww! man thong!"  the worse part was that i still needed to get this thing off the floor.  reminding myself that at least this was a clean man thong, i used two fingers to pick it up, touching as little of it as possible.  i then flung it at the pile of clothes, where it landed right smack dab in the center on top of every thing, for all the world to see.  

the worse part* of this all was the material it was made out of.  it wasn't silk or satin or any other type of sexy material that would have made this a "special occasion only" piece of clothing.  it was a grey jersey knit.  the kind of underwear material that you wear when you don't think anyone else will be seeing your undies that day.  so that meant this was some guy's casual, every day choice of underwear.  and personally, i like my man in boxers.  boxer briefs are pushing it, and tighty whities are right out.  i have no idea how i would react if a guy were to drop trouser in front of me and i was greeted by the sight of a man thong.  all i can say is that i am extremely glad i never found out who it belonged to.  i don't think i would have ever looked at that guy the same way again.

* ok, second worse part.  the first worse part was that i had to touch it.

why i love having crazy ass friends

so, i was bored tonight.  i decided to announce that on facebook.  i simply stated "i'm bored.  someone entertain me."  my friend nikki took up the challenge.  the following ensued.  her story is in bold.  my  response in normal text.  my reaction thoughts italicized. 

Once upon a time in a far, far away land of (city omitted because i don't want stalkers) there was a girl who was extremely bored on Facebook. Since her internet hated her, she decided to go for a walk. Suddenly, a man in a hot pink spandex body suit on a unicycle jumped out of the bushes. He told her that he knew of her boredom and he was here to entertain her. He claimed to wear a 'special belt' and all she had to do was take it off of him and something amazing would happen! What does she do?!

omg i saw a guy on a unicycle driving home from the barn today. it was not as exciting as that though

i really did see a guy on a unicycle today.  a tiny part of me wanted to see him fall.

ERROR: Not a valid response. Improvising... please wait...  

ok fine, as a general rule, i do not disrobe men wearing spandex 

yeah, so i'm a little slow but i realized what she was doing here at this point.  and no, i do not like men in spandex.  especially pink spandex.  i don't think i want to know what would have happened if i had opted to take off the belt.

The girl was shocked the disgusted by the mans offer! She refused the offer and continued on her way. The spandex man was furious and exclaimed "FINE! YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!" and he tapped his belt which made epic sounds as he pedaled off down the street. Not long after the girl continued on her journey, another man appeared! "My name is Ped De File. You can call me Peddy. Would you like some candy little girl?" and suddenly a van pulled up with his companys name printed on him: The Lollipop Shop. The girl was tempted... she did want some candy. . .  

what is the first guy illidan? and is there anyway for me to steal the candy?

if you don't get the illidan reference, go here.  and never trust a guy with a van.

The girl  hated vans but wanted the candy. She reached in her purse and threw the Fail Ninja at Peddys face! Fail Ninja scratches the hell out of him. She kicks Peddy right square in the gems and hijacks the van! She speeds away,... but doesn't get very far. Due to high gas prices, the van does not have gas and it dies! She grabs some candy and ditches the van. She was about to enjoy a lollipop, but then it started to glow! She knew about this glow.. it was the glow of the ultra rare material: UberL33T Pixels!! She was going to be the richest gamer ever! "The Legendary Pixels! I'm set for life!!" she instantly put it on her FB status via iPhone and all of her gamer friends instantly liked it. Other said "Pics or it didnt happen." she defriended them. a voice came up behind her: "Give me that lollipop! The PIXELS SHALL BE MINE!!" Oh no! It was Spandex man! he was here to steal her epic loots! She needed to get away... she could fix the van, run... or summon her steed Princy before she got into combat...

 

prince, i choose you! (he does have a jousting costume after all)

i felt this needed a pokemon type answer.  i have no idea why.  i hate pokemon.  but i do like how my cat has now become a weapon.  and just and fyi, i don't have an iphone, but didn't want to stop her creative flow that she had going.  and i'm pretty sure if this was true, other alex and jefe would have been defriended for that reason.  also, kinda curious what would have happened if i had eaten the lollipop.

 

Prince appears in his jousting armor, since he was an epic mount! Spandex transforms into Illdian! "I need the Pixels to rule all of outland! I'll show Blizzard to replace me in an expansion and that lame ass Sunwell patch!" She throws the Fail Ninja, but Illdian deflects her with a ball of yarn! She distracts Illidian by finding him on Facebook to send him a friend request, but it fails! Illdian has her blocked! Desperate, she flashes him. It has no effect because Illidan is a homosexual.  She uses her iPhone to log into battle.net and uses RealID to get help. She calls upon her minions to her aid! Out of no where, every single one of them show up less than 30 seconds after she asked. All of her minions were stalkers and found out where she lived and moved to her town. They used Starbucks Wifi to play wow. She was disturbed and worried now! Her minions were all pale, malnourished, pimple faced, and red-eyed from hours of gaming! "Minions!! ATTACK!!" she ordered. All of the wow nerds turned to attack Illidan, but he threw an asian porn magazine and they all chased it! Oh no! She is defenseless

i have one gay minion. can i use him?

i actually thought really hard about this.  i mean, flashing is like my go to move, and if that doesn't work it totally throws off my game.

 

Out of all of the puny, ugly, horny, and nonathletic minions, there was one who was in amazing shape, very well kept, and had a very great fashion style! His butt looked amazing in jeans and epic good hair! He must be gay! The gay minion and Illidan were ready to have an epic battle! Illdan looked down on the one, lone minion. "You are nothing compared to.... hey nice shoes." her minion looked so pleased! "Oh my gosh, do you like them?? I think they A-DOR-ABLE! I can totally get you a pair." Illidan and her gay minion hit it off. Illidan gives up on his revenge against Blizzard and him and the gay minion go back to the Black Temple and have more sexy rumpus! Gay marriage becomes legal in Outland, along with pot. With the gay minions amazing powers, Outland becomes the universe capital of amazing fashion and the world gets sewn back together with hair gel. Shattrah city becomes a giant gay bar and A'dal turns into a giant disco ball. The world is a better place because of it. The wow gamer nerds get overly excited at the asian magazine and die from malnutrition. She overthrows blizzard and every other gaming company with her UberL33T pixel material. She then is self titled "The Queen of Gamers." and finds the cure to cancer. Based on a true story.

 

finally! i got the one true title i always wanted! and wouldn't a'dal be like the most awesome disco ball ever?

yeah, my goal in life is to be queen of the nerds.  it would be awesome.  you know what else would be awesome?  a gay guy redecorating outlands.  because i'm currently questing out there for loremaster.  and that place is ugly.  and depressing.  and having to look at it all day seriously makes me go on pvp killing sprees.  it's not pretty.  but it does help my honor score.

 

haahah yeah totally. Well hoped you were amused for a bit. im pretty sure im just weird for writing all of that lol

 

you have no idea how much your little story made me laugh. you have succeeded in entertaining me

hahah glad you liked it. I had fun with it :D

 

we should do this again sometime

 

Totally! 

 

to be continued? 

 

drunk uno!

ok so it's been a really long time since i had a good game of drunk uno.  and i'm feeling that needs to change.  if you have never had the pleasure/misfortune of playing drunk uno, you really are missing out.  drunk uno is a creation that me, jefe, and some other friends came up with one weekend in college, further proving that anything can be turned into a drinking game if enough alcohol is involved.  we were all pretty tipsy when the games started, and all ended up shit faced drunk by the time it was over.  i won/lost depending on how you look at it.  it came down to me and jefe (the two most borderline alcholic members of our group), and while i technically lost the game of uno, i had consumed the most alcohol in doing so.  so overall, win for me.  the rules are pretty simple.  basically anything other than a number card has a swig attached to it.  if you get skipped, you drink.  if it gets reversed back to you, you drink.  if you play a draw two, the next person drinks two.  and we play where you can stack draw two cards, so you can get fucked if you're the only person without one.  i think i had to drink eight at one point.  if you play a wild card, the next person drinks.  if it's a wild card with a draw four, they drink four.  if you have an uno and forget to call it, you drink seven.  if you can't make a play, you drink however many cards you have to draw.  over all, pretty simple and way more fun than most other drinking games.

i do have two pieces of advice if you ever want to play this game.  the first would be to have some way of keeping track of who's turn it is.  this game gets you fucked up fast, even if you're drinking less hard core stuff than jefe and i do.  and believe me, you will forget which direction you are playing.  the second piece of advice comes from experience.  do not make the same mistake jefe and i did.  buy waterproof cards.  they are worth the extra $3.00.

alex made me do it!

why do so many of my stories start like that?  so this time is was starting an account at okcupid and it's all because of alex.  he wanted me to make one to see how well the compatibly match ups really were.  basically, my account was to be his control sample.  so since it's free and i had nothing better to do last night that answer a shit ton of random questions about myself, i figured what the hell.  so i do the whole thing, check and see how it matches us up,* blah, blah, blah.  anyway, about twenty minutes after i start this thing i get a message in my inbox.  so since i'm talking to alex on facebook while all this is going on, i let him know. if i remember right he said something along the lines of "that's bs!  i've only had one girl message me unprovoked, and you get a guy in less than an hour?"  yeah, yeah i did.  because i'm just that awesome.  and in less that twenty four hours, i have had a total of five guys contact me.  granted one was a pot head, and one is a crazy desperate guy that posts on craigslist every other fucking day, but still.  they picked me to creep on.  so take that alex.  i'm cooler than you are on this one.  and you can't bitch about it anyway since you made me sign up for it in the first place.  and no, listing the things i think about most as "sex and video games" is not cheating because it's true.  i can't help if the things i like are guy kryptonite. 

*66% match, 81% friends, 18% enemies.  his response? "why isn't the enemy score higher?"

pineapple! or happy birthday drak!

so i was planning on doing this post before i realized that it was drak's birthday today.  but now that i know it is, it seems even more fitting to do this post today.  anyway, drak is a guy i know from WoW.  he's in my guild.  and yes, drak is his WoW name and not his real name.  aside from playing WoW, he has this little side project that he likes to call "being in the army."  the government, for some crazy reason, seems to find this more important than his WoW time, so they decided to ship him out.  he is in an infantry platoon and is currently about two months into a twelve month deployment to afghanistan.  if i remember correctly, this is his third deployment.  and he decided to do something a little different this time around.

drak has decided to make a podcast about the experience of this deployment.  obviously, certain things need to be edited or censored for security and safety reasons, and because of this there is a lot of random usage of the word "pineapple."  but other than that, not much is held back.  it is by no means politically correct.  there is a lot of guy humor and cussing going on, and if you're a pussy and get easily offended you shouldn't listen to it.  but i think it's all really, really interesting and most times extremely funny to listen to.  a lot of it might seem a little crass, but it's a coping strategy.  they deal with a lot of shit over there, so if crude jokes make it easier to deal with, i say go for it.  so every one go support your troops, listen to thenotsoquietprofessionals.  and to SFC Cormac and the rest of the platoon, stay safe, come home in one piece, and keep making these podcast because i usually end up laughing so hard that it scares my cat.  and if there is a way to send pizza to afghanistan, let me know and i'll make it happen.

so i'm old now

as many of you know, i turned twenty five last friday.  as expected, much drinking was involved.  but i did other stuff too!  i took the day off and gave myself a long weekend.  my intention was to sleep in that day.  but the fail ninja had other plans.  apparently she still wants to be fed at 7:30 regardless of what day it is.  also, like four people texted me before 8:00 am, so going back to sleep didn't really work out too well.  good thing i'm an insomniac and used to functioning on very little sleep because i had stay up past 2:00 am the night before gaming.  yeah, i know.  i'm a huge nerd, what else is new.  and once i was awake, i spent more time gaming while i was waiting for dani to be out of class.  hell, if i want to spent my day geeking out, i'm allowed to.  but i did do other stuff.  once dani was out of class, she took me out to lunch.  firestone cheeseburger ftw!  after that, we walked around downtown just because.  then we went to the barn and rode the ponies for a while.  first time i have been able to ride my horse in two weeks because of my piercings.  went home after that and did some laundry because the top i wanted to wear that night was dirty.  gamed some more.  so overall, pretty good day.

and then we get to the night.  started out at black sheep.  used my charm and knowledge of the bartender's dog to get myself a discount on my drinks.  met up with some of the girls from work.  i let the bartender choose my first drink.  i bought a white russian as my second one.  alyssa bought me a dirty girl scout.  hung out there until alex was off work and could meet up with us.  moved on the marsten's or whatever it's called now.  alex bought me a screwdriver.  the plan was to dance but it ended up being a little too crowded for that.  witnessed some cougar totally picking up some college kid.  i was only feeling barley tipsy at this point.  we decided to change bars again and headed over to mc carthy's.  alex buys me another white russian, and the vodka finally starts to kick in.  the girl alex takes my phone and runs into a corner and calls matt to harass him about not coming out with us (she does not remember doing this).  we hang around until last call, and then alex and i go to jack in the box.  it's crazy crowded with drunk people, and i keep getting checked out by a guy in a kilt who has a girlfriend.  alex drives me home and hangs out for a while.  we goof around and try to recreate an album cover, and i end up with some pictures that i might be able to use as blackmail for free drinks later on.  so overall, pretty good night as well.

the hangover

the fail ninja wakes me up at 8:30 this morning because she wants to be fed.  at this point i have a pounding headache and am still a little drunk.  after feeding the cat, i stumble back to bed and sleep for another six hours.  this time i am sober upon awakening, but still have an amazing headache.  next some food, water, large amounts of tylenol, and a phone call lying to my parents that no, i am not hung over.  about an hour later i am doing ok.  now to rewind to last night.

we started off at a bar-b-que.  had some of the most amazing chicken that i've ever eaten.  moved on to black sheep after dinner.  drink one: dirty girl scout.  lots of laughing and silly pictures on the back patio.  gabi buys me drink two: screw driver.  some random lady sees me takes a picture with my cell phone and is amazed by that.  half our group leaves around 10:00 because they need to drive home the next day.  gabi and i stay out on the patio for a while.  she's already falling asleep, but i tell her she needs to stay up until at least midnight.  it's a deal.  by this time the line to the girls room has spilled out onto the patio, and they run out of toilet paper.  bad timing i guess.  drink three: cranberry vodka. the patio is super crowded by this point.  having to elbow my way back to the table without spilling my drink.  success when i get back to gabi.  then the phone call to matt, which he probably liked more than we did.  drink four: bartender's choice.  lots of people around wearing silly wigs.  it's almost midnight now.  no count down happens, just a lot of cheering for the last thirty seconds of the year, followed by one really loud shout.  people start to disperse shortly after.

a text from alex prompts us to stumble over to mc carthy's.  alex is on the outside patio.  i walk over to talk to him, and the bouncer starts to give us shit.  i ignore him and just talk to alex over the fence.  gabi tells the bouncer that while she loves the irish, she won't pay to get into his bar.  he keeps giving us shit so we leave.  alex says he'll meet us later.

on the way back to black sheep we are distracted by marston's.  we don't want to drink here, but they have a dance floor.  we dance together since we're both girls, and that makes it hot.  i leave gabi to use the bathroom at one point.  the girl behind me line starts to hit on me.  she introduces herself and tells me she loves how the color of my sweatshirt looks on me.  i tell her my name and that it was a christmas gift.  she tells me something else about how it looks good on me, and then it's my turn for the restroom.  she is gone by the time i'm done.  when i get back to gabi, a dunk guy is trying to chat her up.  i can tell by her body language that she's wanting none of it.  i go up and start to dance with her again.  i whisper does she want this guy talking to her.  she says no.  i give him a look that pretty much says back off my girl or else.  it works.  a text from alex is asking us where the hell we are.  we forgot that we told him we were going back to black sheep.  we leave to meet him there.

back at black sheep, we can't find alex.  drink five: different bartender's choice.  some guy spills part of a drink on me, then hugs me to apologize.  we head out into the little alleyway and sit on the barricade chairs meant to keep people off the patio.  it's almost last call.  the spilled drink guy comes up and asks if we're ok since we're sitting alone.  we say we are waiting for a friend and he leaves.  alex finally shows up.  gabi tries to convince us to show off some dance moves.  alex gives me drink six: white russian.  he leaves to go find his ride.  we leave since the bar is closing.

i get a text from alex asking if he can crash on my couch since he can't find his ride.  i tell him where he can find us.  sitting outside in the cold air waiting for him feels nice.  he makes it over, but has found his ride at this point.  four of us are now trying to change gabi's phone back to the english settings, but no one can remember spanish in our current state of mind.  we all start to walk toward my place.  i'm walking with my arms around alex so i don't fall over.  he doesn't mind because i'm keeping his back warm.  his friend is leaning on me and telling us how she made her tutu.  we flag down a guy who has a bike with a cart attached to it and pay him to take me and alex's friend home.  alex and gabi wait for their rides to pick them up.  the other girl is trying really hard to flirt with the guy on the bike.  after he drops her off, he asks me if she's cool.  i tell him i don't know, and he says he regrets giving her his number.  we're now in front of my apartment complex.  i get off and walk to my unit since i don't want him to know which one it is.

i get my door open and it's close to 3:00 a.m. by this point.  i take out only one pair of earrings and leave the rest of the jewelry on.  i brush my teeth since they feel a little gross by this point.  i almost forget to take my contacts out.  i take off my pants and pass out with the fail ninja sleeping on top of me.  hello, 2011.  it's nice to meet you.

porcupine sex!

so alex got upset that the post i mentioned him in had to bring into question sexual preferences.  he also didn't like how i referred to hanging out with him as a sometime curse.  i did not mean any of this in a bad way at all, but alex, just because i luv you so, and i want you to be happy and still go to class on thursday nights so i don't have to go alone, i decided to write a new post for you.  and since you are already taking me out in like 5 different conspiracy theories (that i know about), i figure i should add a legitimate reason for me to be on your "going down with you" list.  and this is also probably a good lesson for everyone else as well.  when talking to a member of the opposite sex that you happen to fancy, there are certain subjects that should never, ever, ever be brought up.  somewhere near the top of this list should be porcupine sex.  i mean, i understand how the logistics of it can be a legitimate scientific curiosity.  but i'm also an animal science major, i went to school for weird animal things.  so i don't think the other person will quite get it as well as i do.  best just not touch that subject at all.  ever.  this should probably be something, that if you absolutely have to bring it up, you wait until after your married, when it's really, really difficult for them to leave you for being a little weird.  but not before then.  and even that's pushing it.

also, what if you do bring it up before then and the person agrees with you on how interesting the predicament of the porcupine love life is?  now things are just going to get awkward from there on out.  you will wonder why they care so much, are they doing it just to agree with you so that you like them better, or do they love porcupines more than you?  and can you really handle the truth on a question like that?