Wednesday, December 28, 2011

slacker me

omg i know i've been super slacker-ish with the keeping up on the posting and such this month.  i'll try to fix that soon, but not tonight.  next week i might have video of me getting my monroe piercing.  at the very least i'll have pictures from new year's eve in las vegas.  and until then, oh look!  a distraction!
 ps i'm totally getting a pirate pin up girl as a tattoo sometime in the near future.  i have it all planed out, just need someone to draw it for me.  *hint hint*

Saturday, December 17, 2011

inc meltdown

so i'm pretty sure i'm about ready to have a meltdown.  i've just got too much going on and i'm not really sure if i can handle it all right now.  first off, i'm currently in a depression cycle.  which is coinciding with my insomnia cycle (hence why i'm writing this at 3:40 am).  these combined is making me very prone to headaches this week, and i have had several of them.  it is also making it extremely hard for me to be able to find a way to focus and/or be motivated to do pretty much anything.  which is also contributing to my insomnia because my mind keeps racing around from one thought to the next and i can't seem to be able to tell my brain to just shut off and sleep.  this is also why this post is really unorganized; this is exactly how my brain is working right now.  and i have my usual stressors about food, money, happiness.  i didn't get my raise at work, so i'm still living paycheck to paycheck for the time being.  on top of that i'm having to deal with a supervisors who acts like an insane bipolar bitch most of the time.  apparently she considers being extremely rude and mean to be a better way to get someone to do something than just asking nicely.  i'm also fairly certain that she is a large part as to why i didn't get my raise, but i don't have real proof on that.  also she isn't letting me have the day after christmas off, and she knows that my family is a five hour drive away on a good day.  so that means i'm leaving friday night after work, won't get to my parent's house until 11:00 pm at least, and i'll have to miss spending most of christmas with my family since i will be having to drive back here so i can work on monday.  and apparently the fact that i didn't take any holidays off last year, i haven't been home for the last three thanksgivings, this year is this only time i have asked for new year's off, and i've been there two fucking years longer than the people who are getting that day off doesn't mean anything.  i'm also way over analyzing an unrelated situation, which i'm almost one hundred percent sure sure is simply nothing but in my current mind state i'm convinced it's something.  and the stupid book i'm reading has something against quotation marks and starting a new paragraph when someone different is speaking, so i have no idea who is talking half the time.  i'm fairly convinced that if something doesn't change soon, i'm going to have a meltdown or explode or go insane or all of the above.  le sigh.  thirteen more days until i will be in las vegas and can spend the whole weekend in a slightly drunken stupor.  at least i'll be happy and calm then.  let's hope that holds me over until my birthday. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


so the guys in my guild are pretty fascinated with my boobs right about now.  so this is for them.  sorta.  it's kind of a compromise.  they wanted my actual boobs, i'm writing about bras.  deal with it boys, it's my blog. 

thank you torrid for cute bras in my size
so the main topic of this post is pretty much why i hate shopping for bras.  see i love my boobs.  my boyfriend loves my boobs.  apparently the guys in my guild love my boobs.  drunk lesbians love my boobs.  but the people who make bras, they do not love my boobs.  and it makes me very sad.  they think that just because i'm a DDD, i have to wear old lady bras.  and i refuse to do that.  hell i don't even want to wear an old lady bra when i am an old lady.  i want cute bras forever!  viva los sujetadores lindo!*  

anyway, this leves me with very few options since i can't buy bras in the stores.  either they look like the aforementioned old lady bras, or the stores are stupid like victoria's secret and don't carry my size.  want to know what that bitch's secret is?  she hates big boobs!  at least torrid loves big boobs.  but the nearest torrid is a two and a half hour drive.  and that is why i have to buy all of my bras on line.  which is a pain in the ass. if you can't try it on and make sure it's comfortable and cute, you're taking a huge gamble.  because if you don't realize that you've gone from a DD to a DDD, you have to pay an extra $8.00 to have a new size reshipped to you.  le sigh.  when will the stores start showing love to the big boobs?  when!?!?!?!?

*babel fish better not have failed me on that one

Sunday, December 11, 2011

better than birth control

so i won't lie.  i really want to have kids.  i'm looking forward to everything but actually being pregnant and not being able to drink alcohol or caffeine for like a year and a half.  but i'm not trying to have kids yet.  as much as i really, really want to, the number one reason i don't is actually quite simple (aside from the fact that i'm not married and my guy doesn't want kids until he's thirty).  this is how much it costs per year on average to raise a baby in my state:

 and this is how much money i have in my bank account at this very moment:

somehow, those two just don't quite add up to enough.  and because i don't want my kid to eat cat food, and to actually have disposable dippers because i am not washing and reusing those things, i will hold off on the whole procreation thing. not to mention the fact that my insurance from work does not cover maternity, so all of that would be an out of pocket expense.  and i am having the damn epidural, screw that "all natural" birthing crap.  i want the drugs.  and drugs are expensive.  so until i can  finally afford pop one out, you all have to endure my crazy cat lady side.  all this baby love has to have some kind of outlet.  now if only the cat would let me dress her up for halloween, then i'd be set. 

the fail ninja is not amused by the costume idea

Saturday, December 10, 2011

why the boys love me

so i was on WoW just a few minuets ago.   one of my friends came on, who happens to be a guy, and the following ensued:

me: poke

him: bg?

me: i'm sucking like hard core at pvp right now lol

me: i'm having problems focusing today

him: lol all good

him: we've all been there

me: i tried to take a shower to wake me up, but my shower failed me and ran out of hot water when i was only halfway done shaving my legs

him: O.O

him: omfg that would suck

me: yeah and i had shampoo in my hair

him: bet your nipples could cut glass

me: they can do that anyway if i have the right jewelry in

him: lmao!  true

me: i feel like this convo should be posted somewhere

him: XD

him: same

me: that's it, it's going on my blog

pretty sure this is why all the boys love me.  rather than get offended by shit that's not worth getting offended over in my opinion, i just go with it and make it funny.  oh and also because the jewelry line is a totally true statement.  just put some diamond cutting tips on my spikes and i'll be good to go. 

for the non-WoW readers, bg= battle ground and pvp=player vs player

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

unlocked: bitch mode

so i'm in total bitch mode right now.  and i don't mean my normal bitch mode, i mean the holly-hell-run-for-the-hills-she-could-kill-us-with-her-eyes bitch mode.  because someone hurt my baby brother.  and by baby brother i mean a six foot tall, twenty four year old man.  and by hurt i mean five or six punk ass little pussies thought it would be cool to just randomly kick the living shit out of him for no reason.  so from what i know happened, my brother was on his lunch break and was walking to the subway on the other side of the shopping center to get a sandwich.  there was a group of five or six guys just standing around, he doesn't know any of them, he didn't say anything to them, none of them said anything to him.  then they all just decided to jump him and just start pounding on him.  and no one has any idea why, especially since they made no attempt what so ever to try and take either his wallet or his phone.  the only reason they stopped is because an employee from another store ran outside and called the police.  i have pictures of what his face looked like right after it happened, but i'm not posting those here because it's a little too bloody.  those ass holes are just lucky that i don't have enough gas to make it up there right now.  they would never know what hit them.  they would not win against me and my protective older sister rage that i'm feeling right now.  they have a ten day head start on me until my next paycheck.  all i can say is, they better use it.

Monday, December 5, 2011

can anyone explain why... back cramps seem to be completely immune to all forms of modern medicine?  i swear, absolutely nothing i take seems to help.  not even prescription pain killers (with the exception of vicodin, which i have none of).  the only thing that sorta helps is a really deep tissue back massage, and i have no one who can come over and do that until tomorrow night at the earliest.  so i'm basically miserable right now.  and uncomfortable.  and sorta hating life because of it.  and in closing, all i have to say is that periods and pms are proof that God is a man, because no woman, no matter how much she hated her, would wish this on another woman. 

Saturday, December 3, 2011

fuck you hormones!

and i'm not talking about the hormones that make me as horny as a sex-crazed teenager.  i actually like those ones.  quite a lot in fact.  the hormones that i'm hating on would be the ones who like to become totally unstable for about three or four days every month, which in turn makes me totally unstable for about three or four days every month.  and today is one of those days.  usually i'm pretty normal (well, in a hormones being balanced kind of way at least), and a large part of that is thanks to the miracles of modern birth control pills.  and luckily with the one i'm on, i don't need to be off them for a full week.  but for those few days when i'm supposed to take the fake pills my hormone levels get way off balance.  and since i'm prone to depression, it's very, very easy for me to slip into a really, really dark place.  and i cry stupidly easily.  and things that on a normal day i wouldn't even waste two seconds thinking about will keep me up all night.  and i break out like a thirteen year old.  so right now i'm fight a war with my brain, trying to convince it that it really needs to stay in a happy place.  and there is another war with my skin trying to convince it that i am many years past puberty and this acne thing is getting old.  and then there is a final war with the fucking back cramps that won't go away.  too bad i spent all my drinking money (plus a lot of his drinking money) last night.  i could really go for a cocktail right about now.  but since that isn't going to happen, i think i'll go hide under the covers.  the fail ninja has been doing that most of the day and it seems to be working out pretty well for her.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

i need to get laid

ok so this is bad guys.  i haven't had sex in like two weeks.  and we all know how crazy i get when i don't get laid.  so i'm starting to get a little......on edge.  to say the least.  normally i wouldn't be having to wait so long for it, but my guy is working extra hours during the holidays, so i only really see him on the weekends for right now.  and last weekend he got sick so he had to leave early before we got to have any adult fun.  so yeah, it's been a while.  well, a while by my standards.  so basically i can't stop thinking about it now.  which means i end up talking about it a lot.  and depending on who's around to listen, that can lead to some interesting conversations.  especially since i've only been thinking about the crazy kinky stuff.  which is why i really, really, really need it to be friday.  i just hope he's up for what's in store.  literally ;)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

my shower has a playlist

and by playlist i mean songs that i sing into my shower head while naked and getting clean.  and it's a pretty random playlist.  seriously, i was all over the place tonight.  start off with this:

amazing song, and i've been singing it all week for some reason.  my favorite part has to be the first time he sings "i will let you down, i will make you hurt."  and not for any emo reasons, it's just extremely powerful the way he sings it.  after this song, my mind jumped to:

another pretty powerful song that can catch you off guard if you aren't expecting it.  i first heard it when it was in shrek, and fell in love with it.  my high school ex also played it with his band, and they did a pretty awesome cover.  favorite part of this song would have to be "love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."   this sorta is emo, but honestly that just makes a lot of sense sometimes.  and because my mind is totally random, this popped up next:

yeah i have no excuse for that.  it's just a fun song to do for shower karaoke, or any karaoke for that matter.  no favorite parts for that one.  moving on now.

i told you my mind was random.  favorite part of that one is the whole damn song because it's fucking amazing and i less than three the chili peppers.  and that's it for tonight.  i was done with my shower by this point, so the music died.  at least until tomorrow night.

Friday, November 25, 2011

why i less than three ed

i'll admit it, i went to a black friday sale today.  at my tattoo shop.  because they were offering half off on all piercings and body jewelry.  my original intention was to just get some rings for my cartilage piercings, but as the day went on, i just got to the point where i was like fuck it i'm getting another piercing.  i mean the price was just too good to pass up.  so i get there and have all my paperwork filled out and ready to go before niko even makes it to the front of the shop to check me in.  i swear i should just photocopy that release form and carry it with me to save time.  ed's working on a piercing when i get there, so i get to just chill on their crazy comfortable couch for a while and think about which one i want to get done.  after talking to ed, it's decided that i'm going to pierce my daith.  and i mean the real daith, not what  a lot of people mistake it for.  which makes ed super happy because according to him, that's a pretty rare request and he only gets to do it like once every four years.  this also means i get to be an example for the intern.  so we go through the normal prep and pierce routine, no problems at all.  he asks if he even needs to go over after care with me and i just laugh.  and now here's the best part of the whole thing.  since i did make up for the zombie march, he tells me that he's not going to charge me for the piercing.  so all it cost me was the $7.00 that i tipped him.  which is another reason why i less than three ed.  not only is he fucking amazing at piercings, he's just an awesome guy in general.  and now i have the same number of piercings in both ears.  that is until i get my right targus done in a few months.  what can i say?  i just can't stay away from it. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

i'm awesome!

motherfucker i'm awesome!  and i'm drinking, so yeah.  oh and it looks like i need more rum.  sailor jerry and captain morgan have decided to befriend me in my time of need.  i got no cash monies to buy vodka, so i commandeered the sailor jerry the boy left in my fridge and i actually found a full bottle of captain morgan.  don't worry, it was just hiding out in my mini fridge that has been unplugged forever so i never look it there.  but for some reason it was calling to me the other day.  so i took a peek inside and had a nice looking pirate starring back at me.  well, off too see said pirate about a refill.  oh, and in case you forgot, i'm awesome!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

bath time!

so the fail ninja was feeling pretty grungy lately.  i have no idea why because she's a totally indoor cat.  but some how she went and got herself all dirty feeling.  and since she sleeps with me, i kinda wasn't too keen on that.  so today was bath day.  and while she is actually very tolerant of water due to the fact that i bathed her a lot when she was a kitten, she still doesn't enjoy it.  and since it's the only time she's allowed to go in the bathroom, she pretty much knows what's up as soon as the door closes.  she tried to hide behind the toilet, but considering how insanely small the bathroom is, that didn't work too well for her.  the bath prevailed, and we both survived without injury.  my drain, not so much.  it is clogged with cat hair now and i need to go buy some draino or something.  but at least the cat is clean.  and avoiding me.  oh well.  she'll get over it in about four hours when it's dinner time.  then i'll be her best friend again. 

pretty sure she's trying to flip me off

Friday, November 18, 2011

how you know you got a good one

so i know i said to expect a few rants, but i'm actually in a decent mood tonight and it's really hard to rant when you're not angry.  first off, i've lost fifteen pounds, my face/neck area looks thinner, my pants are now too big on me, and i can tighten my belt up to the next notch.  i'm still a long way from my goal, but i'm making progress and not gaining it back.  so i'm pretty happy.  that also got me thinking about something my guy had said to me when i first started trying to lose wight.  

as a bit of a back story for those of you who don't know, my ex at one point actually stopped having sex with me because he thought i was too fat.  and he decided to tell me this one night when he was drunk and having sex with me.  came out as something along the lines of "i didn't think i would be doing this again with you until you lost weight."  yeah, you can tell he was a real winner there.  so this brings us to the difference between him and my current guy, and why my current guy is just freakin' awesome.  we were walking on the beach a few months back and i mentioned that i wanted to start trying to lose wight again.  his response was "why?  you look cute just the way your are."  honestly i don't think i've ever had any one say something about my weight that made me feel as good about myself as that did.  so yay to me for actually sticking with it and getting healthier.  and yay to my guy for being amazing.  i don't think he realized how much that little phrase meant to me. 

p.s.  the sex with the current one is great!  and we do it a lot.  so a big yay for that as well

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

look! a distraction!

so i'm super pissed off about a lot of things tonight.  i need some time to collect my thoughts about it all before putting it on here, but expect a few rants over the upcoming days.  mostly politics and money.  so yeah, you've been warned.  until then, look!  a distraction!  i don't know if this technically counts as a costume, but it was pretty damn awesome.  took three guys to control it, and they were amazing with their crowd interactions.  i know i stood there just watching for a good ten minutes at least.  oh and for those of you who don't play WoW, it's a frost wyrm.  it's kinda of like an undead dragon that glows blue.  really doesn't get much more awesome than that.  and yes, i do want one in real life.  how bad ass would that be?  and i'm pretty sure you would never get any door-to-door salesmen or people "spreading the good word" with one of these babies guarding your house.

oh and i already have some ideas for my costume next year. yeah, i like to plan ahead. what can i say, i love costumes.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

tardío feliz día de los muertos

for the zombie march, we were lucky enough to have tori moss from independent expression photography following us around and taking pictures.  while i didn't make it into any of them since i was doing make up forever, a lot of the people i made up are in the album.  below are the people i did.  some color enhancements were done on some of the pictures, but you still see the over all effect.  for the full photo album, click here.

some more pictures of the bride (she is the only one i did in these pics)


 i did the girl in the flower shirt


 i did the guy on the far left and the girl


i did the girl in the white shirt and the girl in the plaid shirt


and of course, i had to save the best for last

love, love, love that pic.  and i don't care what you say alex, it's perfectly ok to find a zombie sexy.  melanie will totally back me up on this.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

wtf body

i have no idea what's going on with my body.  other than having back pains today, i was feeling pretty ok.  no dizziness, the dry heaving had stopped, things were starting to look ok.  and then for no apparent reason i just up chucked some that i ate two days ago on my lunch break.  felt totally fine before, and aside from being grossed out, feel totally fine after.  this is just getting really frustrating.  i wish i would either just be sick and get over with it in a few days, or be fine and not worry about it.  all this going back and forth stuff is really messing me up.  and on a related note, anyone know a good pain killer that won't upset my stomach any more than it is?  i really don't want to trigger a night of sleeping next to the toilet.  pretty sure that won't make my back any better.

Monday, October 31, 2011


spending one of your favorite holidays fighting the urge to puke, pass out, or both, sucks fat monkey balls.  i'm going to go hide under the covers and sulks now.  to everyone else who is not trying fighting off a zombie virus, because i am now convinced that is what i have, i hope you have a great halloween.  take lots of pics and write down all your stories to share with me so i don't feel so left out.  because i do.  because i'm missing another reason to wear a costume.  balls :(

Sunday, October 30, 2011

i got issues

apparently something is wrong with me, but i don't know what it is.  i think it may be possible i have some kind of pinched nerve or i ate something bad or i really did catch a zombie disease.  last week i was having really bad back pains, and that night i ended up getting super light headed and feeling like i was going to pass out.  i also started having dry heaves, got the chills, and felt beyond worn out.  tonight i had a similar thing happen.  i was having shoulder pains all day, and i got very light headed and dizzy.  no matter how much i drink (and i've had about three liters of water so far) i'm still thirsty.  while my stomach is hanging in there so far, i do think i may have a fever because i feel crazy hot and i have the extremely worn out feeling again.  i have no idea what's going on with me.  all i know is that i don't like it.  and that i'm not pregnant. 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

zomg zombies!

in case any of you were wondering how i got turned into a zombie
zombie march was last night.  and it was pretty awesome.  i did makeup for about ten people over three hours.  i did my own make up in between doing everyone else.  overall i think there was about seventy zombies and nine different effects artists, which lead to an amazing variety of zombies.  some were using an air brush, and the rest, like me, were using traditional make up.  i made all the wounds for every one on the spot.  have i mentioned lately how much i love liquid latex?  these are the wounds i did on my own arms.  the one on the left was liquid latex, make up and blood.  the one on the right is the same, but with cotton to add texture.

i did these first thing when i got there.  i used myself as an example for the other people i was doing makeup on so they could choose their wound style.  i had to wait until the end to use the white outs so i could see what i was doing on everyone else.  really glad i decided to use them because i got a ton of compliments for it.  and i do take "holly crap those are creepy as fuck" to be a compliment, since that was kind of the effect i was going for.  below are some examples of my work on other people.  if you want to see everyone i did, click here.

it helps to be dating the makeup artist.  it means you get the most time spent on your make up.
 front and back of the same girl.  she was fun to work on.  and since she was my last person of the night i was able to spend extra time on her
left the face "pretty" since she was a bride and just slashed open her throat instead
we started off my ambushing the mission in town and have a high school style group picture.  after that we hit up several of the bars in town and more or less scared the crap out of every one there with all of our kick ass looking makeup.  and we did have people following us around town taking pictures and video.   as soon as those get posted, i'll share with every one.  and now i really can add make up artist to my list of accomplishments.  so if anyone needs special effects makeup done for something, hit me up.  i'll most likely do it for free as long as you buy the supplies.

don't we make a cute couple?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

blizzcon costumes, round two

busy making bite wounds, so don't really have time to type out a whole lot.  my plan is to distract you with pretty pictures and hope you forgive me.  let me know if it works.  oh and unless started otherwise, the costume is from WoW.

me, as tyrande whisperwind and a blood elf hunter with lady sylvanas windrunner

goblin engineer and dragon

something from diablo we think, possiable wizzard or mage, and marine from starcraft

spirit healer and deathwing

dwarf hunter and night elves with draenei

moria  bronzebeard with warlock and candy and cake vendors

orc and tier five priest

 pandaren with undead rogue and death knight

 baneling from starcraft and murloc

blood elf and dragonhawk

tyrande whisperwind with night elf rogue and female arthas with sylvanas windrunner

 ysera and adjutant from starcraft (costume contest winner)

barbarian from diablo with blood elf hunter and succubus

high elf hunter with horde warrior and sylvanas windrunner

goblin rogue and paladin

 demon hunter from diablo and sylvanas windrunner

 troll death knight and blood elf mage (fyi, there has got to be a ton of pics of she and i together, let me know if you see any)

moonkin with hatching and gryphon

that's all for now folks.  inc zombie pics next.